All the time.
Things are changing, we’re growing apart.
It’s not goodbye but a change in heart.
The road we’ve traveled was just a start,
I’m sure we’ll meet again.
I would like to change my name. I’m loud. I’m obnoxious. I’m sarcastic. I’m cocky. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don’t like most people. I’m easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily. My room always looks like a tornado hit it.
I’m shorter than 5’2. I wear makeup. I wear a piece of jewelry at all times. I wear contacts. I wear glasses. I’ve had braces. I change my hair color often. I either straighten or curl my hair often. I have piercings that aren’t in my ears. My ears are pierced.
I’m in love. I’m scared of being hurt. I’ve been hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I’ve been cheated on in a relationship. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. I’ve been in love more than three times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 24 hours from a friend. I’ve beaten up a friend. I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life. I’d give my life to save a close friend.
I own a white hoodie. I own at least five pairs of jeans. I own at least ten pairs of shoes. I own a blue jacket. I own a pink jacket. I have at least five belts. I own at least three blue shirts. I own at least one pair of flip flops. I own at least two pairs of sweatpants. I’ve gone out in public in pajamas. I own at least three hoodies.
I’ve been on a plane. I’ve been on a train. I’ve left the country. I’ve left the state/province. I’ve taken a taxi. I’ve taken a city bus. I’ve taken a school bus. I’ve gone bungee jumping. I’ve made a speech. I’ve been in some sort of club. I’ve won an award. I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I’ve been so angry I’ve punched a hole in the wall. I’ve been in a physical fight.
I listen to country music. I listen to pop music. I listen to rap. I listen to techno. I listen to R&B. I listen to punk. I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD’s.
I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives. I’ve seen and love The OC. I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill. I’ve seen Popular.. I’ve seen and like Everwood. I’ve seen and like House. I’ve seen and like Gilmore Girls. I’ve seen and liked CSI.
I’ve cut my hair in the past year. I’ve dyed my hair in the past year. I’ve been blonde. I’ve had black. I’ve been red/reddish . I’ve been light brown. I’ve been orange. I’ve been dark brown. I’ve had streaks. I’ve had dark purple. I’ve been blue/green. I’ve gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner . I’ve used silk therapy. I’ve used hot oil treatments. I’ve completely killed my hair. I’ve had dreadlocks. I’ve curled my hair. I straightened my hair. I’ve ironed my hair. I’ve braided my hair.
I‘ve thrown something at a teacher. I’ve yelled at a teacher. I’ve been suspended. I’ve been sent to the principal’s office. I’ve walked out of class. I’ve skipped an entire day of school. I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. I‘ve failed a test. I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test. I’ve failed Art. I’ve failed P.E. I’ve failed Math. I’ve failed Socials. I’ve failed Science. I’ve failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I’ve been caught skipping. I’ve been on the A/B honor roll. I’ve been on effort honor roll
Easier said than done.
oh god, memories.
such good ones.
That was 2 years ago! Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I miss it too, fuckin easier math than this Calculus CRAP.
is Prom. AND my mom and little sister are leaving for Bangladesh the same day. Fuck my life, I won’t be able to say goodbye to them at the airport. I don’t know how to break the news to them.
And it seems like I need ~$150 for Prom. SHIT that’s alot. But oh well.
Pictures, need $$. (~$20)
Corsage, need $$. ($10)
Dinner, need $$. (~$20)
Limo, need $$ ($40)
Ticket, need $$($60)
These past 4 years have been amazing. I have changed and grown so much! There has been just too much that’s happened in high school. One of those never-forgetting-cause-it’s-fuckin-amazing-and-made-my-life moments of high school would have to be BOTC. From Freshmen year to Senior year, it’s been one hell of a ride. Every year, 2010 would come out, decked out in red and fierce as SHIT. EVERYONE bleeds red! The ride has been so memorable, there’s just too much to talk about.
9th grade - 4th place
10th grade - 4th place
11th grade - 2nd place (Fuck, finally! andddd only off by a few points!)
12th grade - 1ST PLACE (and just barely!)
Congrats to everyone! Especially Class of 2010. I have loved BOTC with you guys. I’ll surely miss it!
And gooooooooood shit 2012! Scary shit. AND FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK JINOO IS SUCH A MINI ME.
(317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time.
This is definitely something I would do.
Last ever Battle of the Classes tomorrow. I’m just gonna have fun for once. Just live in the moment. 2010, Sen10rs. We’ve come so far down this road together. Let’s take one last leap forward until our paths all branch out.
That last blog was freakin LONG. Thanks for reading it if you did!
Honor, Obey, Protect, Educate = HOPE
(Bear in mind, I’m still shaken by the whole experience and lack of sleep doesn’t help)
The past two days have been eye opening.
Back in 10th grade, I was first exposed to the Every 15 Minutes program. Luckily, being in Leadership 4th period, I was able to sneak into the collision simulation. I was naive back then and wasn’t as impacted by it as I was two days ago. I was initially saddened that I wasn’t chosen to die. Sounds horrible, but I really did want to participate in the program. To make things sound worse, my cousin got picked over me. Now, back when the program was “secretly” getting organized in the beginning of the year, I was bummed. I didn’t think it’d be a good experience anymore, blahblah, jealousjealousjealous. I really was and I envied the kids who were picked. Especially my cousin. Man was I green with envy. But that’s stupid—why would I be upset that I didn’t have to hear my obituary? That I didn’t have to tell my parents that I’m gone, that I didn’t have to skip tucking my little sister into bed? Now that I look back on it, boy was I a fool. I’m grateful I wasn’t picked, cause I’m sure as hell I wouldn’t have been able to handle the emotional stress. Now that THAT’S off my chest, on to the event itself.
Ms. Anderson asked me a few weeks ago if I could take the day off, the day of the “mock” collision. I didn’t understand why I needed to be apart of the program, especially since all the practices and stuff were done already. She said that I wouldn’t be directly a part of the program, meaning I wouldn’t be dead. She told me how Ms. Kenemann needed someone to play the Crash Scene over the PA system every 15minutes, and the best person they could think of was me. Of course, naturally, I said yes without even thinking about what I was asked to do. Rethink that; I was asked, to click play, on my laptop, playing a sound of a car crash resulting in a death, every 15 minutes. Basically, I was killing someone, somewhere, every 15 minutes. I know now that the number is actually every 42 minutes. That’s reassuring, but I’d rather have it every hour or even better, every year only one kid gets killed. Anyway, I was told to get my paper signed off by my teachers for periods 1-5th, and boy was I happy. I mean c’mon, I’m a senior! I only have like 12 days left? Give me one off for free? Of course I’ll take it! So anywho, I was told to come to the theater at 7am sharp Tuesday, with my laptop ready to go. And so I did. I didn’t think much would come from the day. It’s just all fake anyway, it’s nothing real. Sure, I’ll pay attention. Sure, I know the message. Don’t drink and drive, aight simple enough. But, oh boy, was I wrong. It was NOTHING like that. It was practically all real, too real in fact. I went into the theater, and came upon everyone having a good time. We all ate breakfast, with the police officers and other important people, and laughed around. And then the 30 or so kids in the program itself were getting their makeup on, getting ready for class. So I decided to head over to the office and set up for my assignment for the day. It wasn’t that hard really, all I did was unpack my laptop, hook it up, and set it next to the announcements phone (for those of you who didn’t know, the PA system is run by a phone, not a mic). And then, starting at 7:45am, I played the track, a heartbeat, a car speeding, a crash with a screaming girl, and then pulse, and then the flat line. It took me a good hour or so to realize just WHAT I was doing. I felt like I was playing God, and killing someone out there. Again, it wasn’t every 15minutes, but assuming the time wasn’t every 42min, then I would’ve indeed been killing someone. It didn’t help that I was all alone there, with admin flaunting in and out. No one to talk to and hearing the same noise over and over again really began bothering me. By the time 3rd period came around, I was getting sick of it all. I just didn’t want to think about the countless deaths, and I didn’t even see the simulation yet!
So the end of 3rd came around, and I was required to state a little blurb right before SSR,
Students and Staff of Santa Clara High School,
Today, we have been participating in the Every 15 Minutes program. This is an anti-drinking and driving program that challenges everyone to make healthy decisions. At the beginning of SSR, all teachers, please read the E15M letter that you received in your mailboxes or via email to ALL students. When the bell rings, please release JUNIORS and SENIORS only to the FOOTBALL FIELD to witness a “mock” traffic collision.
After that, I packed up and headed for the field. The second I saw the scene, my mind began reminding myself that it’s just all fake, that it wasn’t real, that the dead Jacob on the field really wasn’t dead. For some odd reason, that just didn’t register. All the students piled in, and then the E15M kids, the ones who “died”, walked in. Most of us out on the bleachers tried to pay attention, but the few who didn’t care really pissed me off. Especially when a chair was missed for the 30 or so “dead” people and the whole crowd started chuckling. I guess it did lift the mood somewhat. After that, the whole scene began. We were opened with Haley’s voice, shaking, crying, scared, calling 911 for help. After seeing Vic walk out, it was too much. The guy was crying. And he wasn’t acting, he was full on teared up. It was as if the scene was all real, that Tae and Carly really were paralyzed and extremely injured. That the motionless body, the one just lying there on the ground, as if he were asleep,was actually dead. That the 30 “dead” people were really ghosts, looking at the scene, but not being able to speak out. It was scary seeing the damage done. Seeing the amount of people needed to just cover up the effects. The countless firemen that were there, sawing the car off and rushing to get Carly and Tae to the hospital. It was hard watching Vic “drunk”, trying to keep himself sober. Watching him fill the role of the drunk driver was heartbreaking. Vic really took it hard, and he’s the bigger man for that. Not many people could act the way he did, but that’s cause he wasn’t acting in the first place. Vic really did make it seem like he did do it, even though he didn’t of course. And the hardest thing was watching JD stuffed into a body bag and carried off to the morgue.
After the simulation, we all went to the theater. Some of the people were crying, especially Vic. After comforting ourselves, we headed over to the Science Lecture Hall for some food and some laughs. I hung around with the kids, and helped around where I could. I walked with Shabir and EK over to the theater and hung around till they all left for Great America and the hotel afterwards. As they left, I couldn’t help but think if they really did die. If Joey died, if Henry died, if Shabir and EK died, if any of them really did die, how torn up would we all be? There are no words to describe the hurt and grief EVERYONE would feel. The pain was just too much to think about. I walked slowly back to the SBO, in hopes of getting some time to reflect before 6th period. I stood outside the SBO, reading all the obituaries of the “deceased” and I began to tear up again. Reading the words, in the past tense, “He wanted…he was…” was just too…hard. Tuesday ended fast after that, but when I got home, I couldn’t stop replaying the events of the simulation. I could only think how hard the memorial would be.
Wednesday rolled around, and I didn’t give much thought to the memorial. I just thought what would happen, would happen. I allowed myself to reflect on my missing peers and think of the situations where it was real, that there were actually kids out there just like me, who DID lose a friend to drunk driving It was hard keeping a straight face walking around class. When it came time for the memorial, I was already beginning to forget the sorrow I felt the day before. I went in and sat around near the front and just examined the scene before me. On both ends of the Gym, bleachers were filled with Seniors and Juniors and staff members, while in the middle of the Gym, family, loved ones, and friends all sat facing the big screen. Then, the bagpipe started playing Amazing Grace, as the pallbearers walked in with a casket. We all stood up and gave our respect as the procession went on. At first, I thought someone was ACTUALLY in there, but then I saw that all the kids were dressed formally and no one was missing, just like a real memorial service would be like. Then, two by two, the “deceased” began to put up frames of their fellow “deceased” friends. After that, Mr. Grissom said a few opening remarks, then an officer stated how he’s been through real memorials three to four times a month, which was depressing to think about. They then played the Every 15 Minutes video that the kind cameraman I see everywhere has been working on, and it started off all happy and upbeat, to Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” (which always brings ME bad luck and sad news, go figure). And then the crash simulation was replayed, with indepth, after crash clips. The clips of the parents watching their children was unbearable. Many of us were absolutely torn up with sadness by now. Jacob’s mother was the hardest to watch, and so was Carly’s mom. Maybe it was cause I’ve met them personally, or maybe it was cause I thought of my own parents. Either way, by now, I was holding on to my own box of Cleenex. Everyone was teared up, there wasn’t a single person that wasn’t torn apart from watching the video. And then the real grief began. Joey Gagarin’s mother walked up to read a letter to Joey, addressed to him as if he were still “dead”. That was too much. I looked down at Joey and saw him shaking. It was as if the whole floor was stable, except for the panels right underneath his feet. It seemed like he was battling his own earthquake. Lauren put her hand on his back and tried to comfort him. But who could gain comfort from their own mother, the woman who gave BIRTH to him, speaking of the all the love he brought? Then Ms. Fisher went up and read her letter to her daughter, and the same thing with Joey happened to her as well. This time around, every single one of the “deceased” were in each other’s arms, comforting each other. At that one single moment, I glanced over at Vic and saw him holding Haley steady. I realized then just how much this program has impacted the school, especially those who were directly involved in it. Kenan was the first student to go up and read his letter to his mother, followed by Nikki to her father. Both of them were very emotional, and by the end of the letter you could see how they rushed to stop reading it; the feelings were overwhelming us all. They then played a sideshow of all the students saying a thing or two about their hoped for futures and a word to their loved ones. Then the Keynote speaker got up. She talked to us about her own son, and showed us pictures of him as he grew up. She then told us how he died, on his 21st birthday, riding his motorcycle home intoxicated, which led to a fatal accident. That was really touching, as she told us how just one decision really impacted everyone that ever knew him. By then, the Cleenex boxes were all empty. Everyone was silent, and everyone was paying respect to the service. Andre then went up to close the memorial. His lasting words made a big impact. He challenged us to make good choices and to prevent anyone we know from making a bad choice as well. It made me realize just how much one has to be there for others. You never know how much of an impact you’ve made for their lives, cause they’re still there. The casket was returned and everyone began walking back to class. All the people involved in E15M were invited to the Science Lecture Hall, but I was so torn up that I didn’t even want to see it all again. I waited a couple minutes before I realized how much I wanted to go see them. Ms. Kenemann and Ms. Anderson and EK and Shabir made it clear that I was family, I HAD to be there. So I went in to see a few people. I saw kids with their parents, with a new found respect and love. The Luncheon was great, good food with great people. One thing I remembered was the thank you’s that went around, and the acronym Officer Bob told us before we parted. That the first two letters of the acronym applied to the children, and the last two to the parents. H, for Honor. O for Obey. P for Protect. And E for Educate. Together, it made HOPE. It really was a great experience.
After all that, I had to go to play practice for The Exonerated, so I didn’t have much time to reflect on things. Now though, I’m extremely grateful that we were able to do this. That we were able to all learn a little more about or choices and the consequences. I’ve always made it my life’s mission to do all the good in the world for all the people in the world, but I realized I can’t do it alone. Now, I don’t feel so lonely. There’s millions of people out there, supporting the same ideas I believe in. I just have to keep hope, and things will get better. In any situation in life, hope and love is all that’s needed. I thank everyone that was involved with E15M, and everyone who participated and observed as well. I hope that everyone was affected as much as I was.
own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep
it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it
you can never get it back.” —Harvey MacKay
suffering for.” —Bob Marley
1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with?
NO idea. But I doubt it was a female. Greaaaaaaaat.
2. Where was the last place you went out to eat?
In N Out
3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?
4. Which do you prefer - eyes or lips?
Eyes. All the time.
5. Medicine, fine arts, or law?
Medicine and Law. Fine arts is a close runner up! hahaha
6. Best kind of pizza?
7. Is your bedroom window open?
Nope, I freak out if it is.
8. What is in store for your future?
A few more days and Exonerated play, BOTC, Goodbye Rally, Awards Banquet, Prom, Senior Week, Graduation, Summer 2010
9. Who was the last band you saw live?
The one thing I can remember is The Parade and My American Heart, back in like March or something.
10. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick?
I make sure they’re ok, but I ultimately just entertain them through phone/text/messaging and never even see them.
11. What is your favorite soda?
12. How many songs are on your iTunes?
Not much, like 1200+?
13. When was the last time you purchased something?
14. Where is the last place you drove to?
15. Are you experienced?
In life? Hardly.
16. Any historical figures that you envy?
17. What brand of digital camera do you own?
18. When was the last time you got a good workout?
19. If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
Mom. HAHAHA. I really don’t buy my own clothes.
20. Where did your last kiss take place?
Never had one! Clean record. hahaha
21. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Monday night?
Thinking about today.
22. Are you a quitter?
I try very, VERY hard not to be.
23. Who was the last person you had in your house?
Other than family? Jinoo and Leo.
24. Can you speak another language?
4 more actually; Bangla, Spanish, Hindi, Urdu
25. How about you put your legs behind your head?
Obviously you do not know me. Flexible is not me.
26. When was the last time you went dancing while under the influence?
No idea. hahahaha
ChowderLoccs, Purple Crayon, Mr. President, Adweeb, Adeebee, Adipshit, AdeeP, Adeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb, Chowder, ClamChowder, there’s too many.
28. Describe what you are wearing in detail?
Green and white striped PJs, and a white tee.
29. What do you think about people who party a lot?
Don’t drive and drive and just be responsible, for once.
30. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
31. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister?
32. What was the last CD you purchased?
33. What are two bands or singers that you will always love?
This is hard. Music is ever changing, just like my mood.
34. What of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of?
35. Did you just have to google the seven deadly sins to see what they were?
36. Where is your favorite place to get coffee?
I don’t drink coffee. I make herbal tea at home.
37. Have you ever been offered a job?
38. Have you ever stolen anything off of a road?
39. When was the last time you dyed your hair?
Never. Sigh. hahaha
40. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Andrew, Ben, Paul, and Aaron was driving. We were all headed for tuxes!
41. Have you kissed somebody in the last 2 weeks?
Only my pillow. Did I type that? Whoops.
42. Miss someone?
43. How is your last ex doing?
Never really been in a relationship. haha
44. Is there someone you want to fight?
Violence is never the answer.